Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
