I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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