I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
