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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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