My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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