there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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