Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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