thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
