I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
