Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
