i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
