literally had 100 drinks last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
