plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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