Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
