I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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