But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
