Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
