We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
