another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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