Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
