I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
