when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
