I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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