The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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