So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize