...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
