I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You left your phone here
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