I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize