Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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