I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
