god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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