I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
