Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
