Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
