I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
