We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
