I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
