you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
