She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
