if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
