I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
