he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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