You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
