Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
