Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
