i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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