Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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