Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
