Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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