You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
