ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
