she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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