If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
