Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Randomize
