I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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