just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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