So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
