I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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