you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
