If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
