I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize