Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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