She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
