My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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