420 ftw
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
