i permit you to call me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Houston, we have a squirter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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