My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
