Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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