Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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