Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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