i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
