Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
