I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
